insult

The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion
$9.95
This very cute book would be a perfect stocking stuffer for someone who suffers from the dreaded Always Nice syndrome.

How to handle a pointed comment about well you look for your old, old age:

"Thank you....I wish I could say the same" (p 115).

You will learn how to handle the bimbo who is stealing your husband. How to deal with the bully in your classroom. And how to deal with the drunk in your Christmas party.

Insults and Comebacks for All Occasions (Lines for All Occasions)
$7.95
Sure, some of the one-liners are humorous, but not nearly so much as I had hoped. Still, the "Lines for All Occasions" series does make an interesting coffee table set. I've found that people are far more likely to pick one of these up and flip through it than they will other books.

Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit
$12.95
LitCrit doesn't generally impress me much; I'm not sure why I should subsidize people who feel this is in the benefit of society. I don't normally have much time for folks who meticulously catalog things out of fiction; i.e. exhaustive lists of names of people in "The Iliad", the studies of Tolkien's constructed languages, the trivia of Harry Potter, etc. "Shakespeare's Insults" however...

With insults cataloged by play and application, this book serves several ends. Should a child or subordinate fail to exercise proper and suitable speech, you can point out that "more of your conversation would infect my brain", and as a corrective training, have them copy out a few pages of insult and profanity superior to the run of the mill in twenty-first century United States. This book clearly illustrates that Shakespeare is livelier than most high school teachers will allow it to be in their class rooms. And it provides a repository of useful words and phrases for those moments and individuals in life that the 'F' word simply falls short of.

I enjoyed this book and have gotten great use out of it.

E. M. Van Court

Come Poop with Me (CD & DVD)
$18.96
For me the best part of this DVD was watching to see which Z list celebrity they were going to roll out next to get schooled in an insult contest by a rubber dog. And really they don't disappoint because they are more than able to find total losers willing to do anything to get their ugly mugs on TV. The whole thing works as a theater of the absurd where some jokes work and others do not but you have to take them both together. His "Sense of Smell" song is a bust as all the jokes are production line garbage that he can just apply to any tool sitting in the front row. But true to his name he can insult with the best of them, so much so that I, famous insulter that I am, found myself getting jealous that I couldn't lay the smackdown as well as he could.

Early on Triumph lets two MTV wannabes wander out and then reality checks them both, fun but they seemed to be having fun as well. This is not good. We the viewers much prefer to watch the mark/deserving chump get all worked up into a state of righteous indignation. "How dare this dog besmirch by nonexistent reputation." Enter Vincent Pastore from "The Sopranos," a man whose sole job is to be a hanger on and to hope that nobody points out that he has been swimming with the fishes since season 2. He actually thinks that he has a shot against the mutt, but when Triumph drops the "How do you keep the weight on if you don't have a job" line everybody realizes that he is out of his league. Conan O'Brien, The Man (and for once I say that as a compliment), shows up but ultimately disappoints. But for me the highlight was watching as two of the biggest stooges in the history of marketing came out and got put in their place. Ben Curtis (the Dell guy) and Jared Fogle (former fatty turned Subway mouthpiece) both make utter fools out of themselves. Jared, as usual, tries to turn his lowest moment into a commercial for his masters. Ben, thinking he still has a career, blathers on about some "Broadway" show he did but can't find the chair located directly behind him. They are both idiots and hopefully they will think twice next time they get an itch to go on TV.

I am surprised to say this but I can recommend this DVD. The jokes are vicious, which is just how I like them. It is also wholly original; Triumph takes on the role of the judgmental fan that gets the opportunity to tell the celebrities just how stupid they are. I did find it amazing that these people were willing to go on stage just to get steamrolled by a puppet, but I guess that is the reality TV culture we live in. Janeane Garofalo and Robert Wuhl just stand there and take it, which I'm sure was good for them but not so much for us. Sure some of the stuff can be skipped over, but the DVD is short and I can say that it is a worthy way of spending an hour. So for an experience like no other (unless you own other Triumph DVDs) I say check this out because it is a good time had by all not on stage. ***1/4