Tina Louise

Yesterday's Pains, Today's Gains, with Rewards of Tomorrow
$16.95
Born on June 29, 1983, Tina Louise Gansert was destined to help the world. Always concerned for others, she never put herself first. At a very young age she encountered more than any child should. As a result of her life¡Çs experiences, she decided it was best to write down how she was feeling to relieve herself of the hurtful impressions. Giving birth to a baby boy was one of her life¡Çs greatest blessings. Shortly thereafter, she was married and endured a severely abusive relationship, which lasted a while. Since her divorce and losing her child, she vowed to do what she could to prevent others from enduring for so long what she did. She began to talk about her past with others and realized she should continue writing and publish a book for others to read with hopes of touching their hearts.

When I Grow Up
$15.95
The content was wonderfully written and illustrated. My 4 year old daughter enjoyed it as much as my 8 year old son. My son was able to read it to her and learned a few new words. They both started to make associations between other professions and the things other animals can do that were not mentioned in the book. They had lots of fun trying to come up with funny animal creations. I had the pleasure of speaking with Ms. Louise and it was refreshing to hear her passion and commitment to children. I highly recommend this book.

God's Little Acre
$5.99
Erskin Caldwell (1903-1987) was hardly in the same league with William Faulkner or Tennessee Williams, but like both those authors he drew his tales from the sordid side of southern life--and in the process created two novels that had unexpected popular resonance: the 1932 TOBACCO ROAD and the 1933 GOD'S LITTLE ACRE. Both presented remarkably trashy portraits of rural southern farming families steaming with depraved sexuality, coarse humor, and nasty habits. Southerners were outraged by the portrait, but to their chagrin the wider world took the books as gospel truth. TOBACCO ROAD was a massive success first as a novel, then as a play, and finally as a film--but GOD'S LITTLE ACRE, published on its heels (and partly due to several high profile censorship cases) would go on to become the single best-selling novel of all time, a position it would hold until 1966 and the advent of Jacqueline Susann's VALLEY OF THE DOLLS.

Although the book is actually tame by today's standards, Hollywood didn't dare consider it until the production code began to crumble in the late 1950s--and even then no mainstream studio was interested. Even so, the film is surprisingly competent in a technical sense, well directed, well acted, and receiving superior production values. No fewer than three Oscar-worthy individuals were involved in the production: screenwriter Ben Maddow, who was nominated for the THE ASPHALT JUNGLE; cinematographer Ernest Haller, who was nominated on seven occasions and received the award for no less than GONE WITH THE WIND; and composer Elmer Bernstein, who received a total of eleven nominations and received the award for THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE. Although director Antony Mann was not quite in this league, he was nonetheless a notedly compent director, and the cast included no less than Robert Ryan, Aldo Ray, and a host of rising stars including Tina Louise, Jack Lord, and Michael Landon.

Even so, it is still GOD'S LITTLE ACRE and there's nothing that can be done about that. Ty-Ty (Robert Ryan) is a farmer who has spent fifteen years digging for gold (a treasure is said to be buried on the farm land) instead of tilling the soil. In consequence the family is dirt poor. His son Buck (Jack Lord) has married sexy Griselda (Tina Louise, with plenty of cleavage crammed into thin dresses); his daughter Rosamund (Helen Wescott) has married Bill Thompson (Aldo Ray.) Trouble is that Griselda is hot for Bill and he for her, and both Buck and Rosamund know it to their sorrow. And then there is daughter Darlin' Jill (Fay Spain), a three-alarm slut crazy for just about any man she can get out of his pants, including the albino (Michael Landon) Ty-Ty kidnaps because--well, it's a long story. Add in a subplot about closed mills and the union movement, a whole heap of longing gazes, and dialogue about grits and pork fat and there you are, right in the middle of GOD'S LITTLE ACRE.

The first fifteen minutes or so are actually superior in a technical sense. Bernstein's score and title song are memorable and quickly snatch you into the opening sequence of Ty-Ty and his sons digging for gold, interrupted first by Griselda, interrupted second by visitor Pluto (Buddy Hackett), and then a burst of memorable scenes: Ty-Ty's explanation about "God's Little Acre," eating watermelon in the kitchen, the decision to kidnap an albino, and a very amusing and naughty incident in which Darlin' Jill forces lustful Pluto to pump a little cool water into her outdoor bath. But thereafter the film goes wrong.

The basic problem is that everyone in the story is a half-wit with a funny name, and in between bouts of half-witted stupidity they sit around and lust over each other in a down home on the farm sort of way. The story is too ridiculous to be taken seriously, but that is precisely what everyone connected with the film does; it soon becomes ponderous and then commits the unforgiveable sin of being dull. In the end, we're left with a bunch of people we think should be locked up lest they reproduce. They sit around all the holes in the farm land and wonder what went wrong. So too do we. Even so, it's better than the badly written book; casually recommended on that basis and for the score and cinematography.

GFT, Amazon Reviewer

The Capture of Osama Bin Laden
$15.00
Kelly Englewood was raised by her mother Christina Harrison, a news reporter in Afghanistan who is captured by Osama bin Laden. Christina is released from his harem and is brought back to the United States. She discovers that she has become pregnant by Osama. She, then, marries Leonardo Englewood, who Kelly believes to be her father until age 13 when her mother tells her who her real father is. She questions her mother's validity and still calls Leonardo dad. Kelly tries earnestly to reach Osama by letters. After he writes back to her for her to meet him at the Sacramento State Capitol, Leonardo and Kelly become suspicious that he is planning another terrorist attack. Leonardo and Kelly turn in the letters to the FBI. Osama is captured while he is visiting Kelly by national helicopter and imprisoned by the National Guard. He is executed via President Bush's order. In the novel, justice is served on the victims of the Septemeber 11, 2001 attacks.