Two Words, One Answer.
Olivia Wilde
 Turistas (Unrated Edition) $14.98 Remember when horror movies, I mean cheap, drive-in knock-offs, used to be fun? I don't know where they went to shoot this one. It's supposed to be Brazil. Maybe it is. They usually go to Canada for dreck like this. Or Romania. This is a professional-enough looking film. Nice photography, especially in the underwater cave sequences. But it's just so...the usual. Slasher/Torture Porn. And not a lot of that, really. The bloodthirsty generation of psychos who eat this kind of sadism up will be disappointed. The kind of gore they crave is pretty much limited to one scene. And that scene provides the only real nudity too (except for a couple of flashes during the beach scenes), so that part of the audience--the kind that used to like these movies for its cheap thrills and titillations--will be put off that the only real exposed beauty is having her organs removed while she's revealed. I know that's Joe Bob Briggs bottom line reviewing...but what else is there? Characters aren't that interesting. Moments of uniqueness are quickly discarded for the torture porn formula. Eh.  Bickford Shmeckler's Cool Ideas $14.98 ... and didn't know when to stop, how it fit in with the rest of reality, what to do with it and what life was going to mean when it was finally done. And do you really want people to love it? And if they do, what then? The short and sweet is that the monster bong says the answer is... nobody knows diddly squat. That these questions are just a wee bit pretentious because it implies, incorrectly, that we have, any one of us, a clue. I mean, I think that is what it said the answer was.... I think I'll watch it again and see what it says this time. |
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