Christopher Coppola

BloodRayne 2 (Unrated)
$26.99
This is a B-movie, nothing more, and on that level it was successful. Inane plot, cheesy characters, and complete logic-failures are just a few of the indictments easily leveled against this film. But I admit, it did make me bust up laughing in more than a scene or two. Poking fun at these kinds of movies is really part of their appeal. They are made to be corny. So set your expectations accordingly.

By the way, the outdoor cinematography startled me; sweeping mountain vistas, cold winter snows, and dark approaching storm clouds were very well done, adding lots of mood to this otherwise campy film.

Clockmaker [VHS]
$12.98
Fourteen-year-old Henry and his friends are about to change history. Sneaking into the apartment of an eccentric Clockmaker, the kids discover that the old man controls time for the entire world through an incredible array of magnificent timepieces and weird machines. When one of the curious kids accidentally pushes a wrong button and gets launched back in time, the space-time continuum is severely disrupted. As everything begins to change around them, the young adventurers must travel back in time to save their friend...and the future!

Deadfall [VHS]
$14.99
This is probably Nic's goofiest movie ever. Nothing is real - not his accent, not his nose, or even his hair. You would hardly recognize him! And I'd tend to think that was exactly his intention - to completely build a character out of nothing, with no ties to him as a person whatsoever.The plot is pretty cool, the movie has a weird edge to it. So if you like alternative types of movies this one is definitely worth seeing. Co-production with Nicolas' brother Christopher and some other smaller roles for more family members :-).

BloodRayne 2
$26.99
What could possibly be worse than the most horrendously lifeless, plotless, horrendously acted, laughably choreographed movie in many a year, directed by the most reviled director?

Why, a sequel, of course.

And while "Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance" doesn't succeed in actually being worse than its predecessor, it does succeed in being almost as bad. Slipshod production, ghastly acting and a truly laughable central plot (oh come on, a vampire Billy the Kid versus the Ms. Romanian Bustier?) all weight down the flimsiest of campy vampire flicks. It makes for a good drinking game, though.

The railroad is coming to the Not-So-Wild West town of Deliverance... and so are some nasty vampiric desperados, led by Billy the Kid. Entre Rayne (Natassia Malthe), a dhampir with lots of leather and some faux-medieval weaponry -- and after she finds some corpses in the snow (which seems to appear and reappear at random), she head to Deliverance.

Billy the Kid is ruling the place now, and she's a-fixin' to clean up that town (sorry, I had to say it). Turns out that Billy is not satisfied with Deliverance -- he plans to build an army, and he has spectacular powers that surprise even Rayne. Cue lots of gunshots, faux-Western banter and the occasional Brimstone guy in jail.

When the director thinks that people are so stupid that the first line must inform where the movie is set ("Wow! The Wild West!"), you know things can only go downhill. This stinker of a plot might have barely worked in the hands of a cinematic genius, but in the hands of Boll, it's a disaster. Even worse, Boll appears to taking the plot seriously, rather than playing it for camp value.

And after the choppy, spasmodic style of "Bloodrayne," the sequel goes the other way -- the entire movie oozes by at the pace of half-dried mud, with a lot of Rayne stalking around, staring at people, and occasionally having long, boring showdowns and conversations. Occasionally extras get killed for scares, or random shots are rendered in epic slow-motion, such as Rayne's horse walking through a river. Not an important river, just a river. Because it looks cool.

In other words, Boll seems totally bored and his actual participation is sporadic -- although his enthusiasm flares up at the funniest times, such as the absurdly silly showdowns. In the meantime, he lets the movie marinate in shaky, meandering camerawork and murky lighting, as well as a long stream of truly ghastly dialogue ("A woman alone won't be able to handle those bloodsuckers!" "Your fly's open").

I will say this -- the gorgeous Malthe seems like a decent actress, mostly via her body language, her voice and her eyes. Too bad she's forced to spout faux-Western dribble like "That ain't the work of no bandits!" and "You reckoned I'd given up lookin' for you?" She actually looks pretty miserable, as if wondering how she ended up in this ghastly movie.

"Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance" doesn't manage the heights of hysterical wretchedness as the first movie, but Boll's sleeping-on-the-job direction and ghastly script make this a minor trainwreck. Worst of all, it's a boring trainwreck.